How to Feng Shui your Motorcycle
Cleanse the Garage/Temple and the motorcycle of all physical, mental, emotional and spiritual distractions and negative influences (take the beer cans to the recycling bin and shovel out a place in the middle to work on the bike; hose the bike off).
Assemble the materials that will provide positive Qi (pronounced, “Chee”) to your motorcycle (rags, wrenches, air gauge, some sort of air pump or compressor, oil, oil filter, brake fluid, the proper antifreeze, fork oil, chain wax) and the book of guidance (owners manual). If you’re really anal you can also include wax and chrome polish and that sort of thing. I personally get by nicely with a snappy new can of flat black spray paint.
Prepare yourself physically and spiritually for the ceremony by donning flowing clothes and hydrating yourself for a period of one hour before actually entering the Garage/Temple to begin the ritual. (jeans, t-shirt, tennis shoes and beer work well).
Prepare the auditory atmosphere by playing music by any foreigner that has a name that looks like it would sound like an arm load of scrap metal hitting a concrete floor. (Or ZZ Top).
Stay hydrated (this is important to flush toxins from the body).
Change the oil, filter, check the fluids and top them off, air up the tires/forks, polish the bike (if you’re into that sort of thing) make sure the lights work and then crack open another can.
Turn up the music
Step in the oil drain pan and track it into the bathroom.
Meditate on the sofa until that high pitched noise on the TV wakes you up.