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Jesus loves you, but I think youíre an asshole!

Stamp Out Crime - Abolish the IRS

This Vehicle Swerves and Hits Pedestrians at Random

I have PMS and a handgun. ANY QUESTIONS?

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.

Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an IDIOT!

Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Tastes like chicken keep on licking. Tastes like trout get the fuck out!

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Forget about World Peace....visualize using your turn signal.

Consciousness: That annoying time between beers.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Born free... taxed to death.

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

Some call it a six pack, I call it group therapy

HORN DOES NOT WORK- WATCH FOR FINGER!

Don't blame me! I didn't vote!

Mopeds are like fat women. Fun to ride but you don't want to be seen with em!

Don't drink and drive.... You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

My Kid Beat Up Your Honor Student!

Nice Girls Swallow!

Hang Up And Drive!

If you're not angry, you're not paying attention!

This bike is not abandoned!

I STOP FOR NO APPARENT REASON.

Don't like my driving? Call 1-800-FUCK-YOU

"KEEP HONKING".... I'M RELOADING

If youíre Cute, Single, and Rich, HONK!

Don't laugh, your daughter could be in here.

WARNING: Driver only carries $20.00 worth of ammunition.

Sex is like air, it's only bad when your not getting any.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, then baffle them with bullshit.

Constipated people don't give a shit.

Practice safe sex, go fuck yourself.

If you drink don't park, accidents cause people.

Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.

If that phone was up your ass, maybe you could drive a little better.

Thank you for pot smoking.

To all you virgins thanks for nothing.

It's not how you pick your nose, but where you put the booger.

If your not a hemorrhoid, get off my ass.

I'm out of bed and dressed....What more do you want.

I love cats...dead ones.

One good thing about Alzheimer's is you get to meet new people every day.

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't you happy?

Hard work pays off later, laziness pays off now!

Don't get married. Find a woman you hate and buy her a house.

I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better!

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

Losing a wife can be hard. In my case it was almost impossible.

Zero to bitch in 10 seconds

I don't discriminate, I hate everyone!

Wine me, Dine me, 69 me!

Student Driver-Get the hell out of my way!

HONK! If Monica Lewinsky blew you!

Practice safe sex, go fuck yourself.

Forget Subtlety... FUCK YOU!

Fuck the dog watch out for the owner.

If it's tourist season, Then why can't we hunt them.

Work Harder. People on Welfare Depend on You.

Hire the handicapped, they're fun to watch.

Happiness is lipstick on my dipstick!

You are smart as a horse and hung like Einstein!

I may be fat, but you are ugly and I can lose weight.

So many cats.....so few recipes.

My other ride is your MOTHER!!

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder

24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ...coincidence?

Drink 'till she's cute, but stop before the wedding

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder

 

 

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